


here are the things you left behind

by hollyhobbit101



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Carlos Reyes, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Michelle is a good friend, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: The first time Carlos goes back home after the accident he barely makes it through the doorway before turning back around. T.K. is everywhere - in the dirty dishes stacked by the sink, in the rumpled bedsheets, in the clothes that have been making their way to their wardrobe, even in the silence itself.It's a whole week before he's able to go back.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes & Owen Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Michelle Blake & Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947304
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	here are the things you left behind

**Author's Note:**

> this is a continuation of a story i wrote a while ago called [can you hear me screaming (please don't leave me)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511100). i would recommend you read that before this one but if you don't the general gist is that t.k. dies in a car accident. i'm actually really happy with this so i hope you guys enjoy too!
> 
> written for day 19 of whumptober - grief & mourning a loved one
> 
> title from 'you are jeff' by richard siken

_Here are your names and here is the list and here are the things you left_  
_behind: The mark on the floor from pushing your chair back, your un-_  
_derwear, one half brick of cheese, the kind I don't like, wrapped up, and_  
_poorly, and abandoned on the second shelf next to the poppyseed dress-_  
_ing, which is also yours. Here's the champagne on the floor, and here_  
_are your house keys, and here are the curtains that your cat peed on._  
_And here is your cat, who keeps eating grass and vomiting in the hall-_  
_way._

_\- You Are Jeff - Richard Siken_

The apartment is full of T.K.

When Carlos arrives back the morning after the accident, he barely makes it through the front door before turning around and going back to his car. Everything is as they’d left it that night, both of them in too much of a hurry to bother washing the dishes up or pick up the cushions from the floor. 

It’s too much. The grey, early morning sky bathes everything in a cold light, the quiet and emptiness of the room harshly bringing home that nothing is  _ theirs  _ anymore, only  _ his.  _ The car will be hell on his back, but he can’t imagine being alone in the bed after so long of sharing it with T.K.

He sleeps in his car for two nights, never once setting foot inside the house. He has nightmares and wakes in a cold sweat after watching T.K. die all over again.

_ (he dreams he watches the car flip, the sounds of crunching metal and bone reverberating through his head as he stands there, feet stuck to the sidewalk -) _

_ (he dreams he is kneeling in the road, his hands covered in blood as he desperately tries to save t.k. but it’s too late and he’s gonegonegone -) _

_ (he dreams he is the driver, walking away from the wreckage with a broken arm and a scratch, ignoring the way t.k. gasps his name as he lies there dying, dying, dead -) _

On the third night, Michelle catches him and forces him back to her place. She doesn’t make him talk, which he’s thankful for, and nor does she talk to him. Not about  _ him _ , anyway. Carlos should feel guilty, he thinks, because she had known T.K., too; she had lost him too. But Carlos hasn’t really been feeling much of anything lately, the space inside him empty and gaping. 

Michelle will understand.

It’s been exactly a week since the accident when Carlos goes back to his own house. Michelle seems relieved, and he doesn’t blame her. It’s been...a lot. She still stays with him though, standing patiently next to him as he stares at his front door, her hand on his back keeping him grounded.

He’s not sure how long it takes before his trembling hands finally manage to fit the key into the lock. It’s longer still before he’s able to open the door, and even longer before he steps inside.

The first thing he notices is that it’s clean. The dishes are done for one, cleaned and neatly stacked in the cupboard. The bed, too, has been made, rumpled sheets changed and straightened. He’s grateful to Michelle for doing it - he doesn’t think that he could have himself - and yet seeing it so spotless sends a special kind of pain through his heart. It’s like they’ve stepped back in time, this whole last week erased. Part of Carlos still expects T.K. to come walking down the hall, smiling that perfect smile of his.

_ God _ , he wishes he could go back. They’d been so happy. 

Michelle stays with him for the rest of the day even though he tells her repeatedly to go home. She just gives him one of her looks and stays anyway. And… It helps.  _ She  _ helps when he catches sight of a photo, or finds T.K.’s favourite mug next to his own, or pulls out one of T.K.’s sweaters by mistake. T.K. had never moved in, not officially, but seeing all his stuff just makes Carlos regret not asking sooner. 

If he’d only known.

Eventually, Michelle manages to coax him to bed, though he’d be perfectly happy to sleep on the couch. But she’s not having it, so he wearily gets up and drags himself to the bedroom, only bothering to kick off his shoes before climbing under the covers. He’ll regret it in the morning, probably, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He sticks to his own side of the bed, more by instinct than choice. Michelle doesn’t comment, instead just coming to sit by him, running a hand gently through his hair. Carlos closes his eyes and leans into the touch, for a moment imagining that it’s T.K., comforting him after a bad shift.

“I know this is probably the last thing you wanna do right now,” Michelle says quietly. “But you should visit Owen. I think it would do you both some good.”

Carlos disagrees, but he nods anyway. “Tomorrow,” he promises, which seems to satisfy her. She starts to hum a gentle melody which Carlos thinks he vaguely recognises, but before he can figure out what it is, he’s pulled into sleep.

* * *

It’s afternoon by the time Carlos manages to get himself together enough to leave, but he makes it to Owen’s like he promised Michelle. It’s awkward at first, and they sit in silence for a long time, Carlos wondering if he really should have come at all.

But he’s here now, and Owen’s made him a coffee. It would be rude to just leave.

Eventually, Owen clears his throat. “That night…” he starts. “You called him Tyler.”

Carlos nods uncertainly.

“He doesn’t” - Owen winces - “ _ didn’t  _ even let me call him that. I’m not sure if he ever told the 126.”

“I found out by accident,” Carlos confesses, though it feels like a betrayal of T.K., to be telling Owen this. “Kind of.”

“Kind of?” Owen asks, raising an eyebrow. 

The barest hints of a smile play at Carlos’s lips, and it’s here that he realises Michelle was right. This - being here, talking with Owen - it helps. It won’t make him get over it or move on, not any time soon - if at all - but it’s a start.

So. “It wasn’t too long after you came out here,” he starts.

And, together, they begin to heal.

**Author's Note:**

> this was going to be longer but it felt like it came to a nicer conclusion there and i didn't want to drag it out more than necessary.
> 
> thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! i am accepting prompts on my tumblr @morganaspendragonss!


End file.
